Babe, You know what? Life is hard without you here. I miss you and I love you. I have pretty much resolved that I always will. Since you went to be with the Lord, I have not laughed as hard as you made me laugh everyday. I am not sure I ever will. And, you know that basket case feeling? Yeah. I am sick of it. Grief is real, man. So, I am learning what it means to “rest in the Lord” on a whole other level. I am learning how to access His grace in ways I never have or needed to

I find myself doing a lot of reminiscing. Perhaps this is my way of trying to grasp and grab hold to every moment and the very essence of my husband. Thus, I have been looking at old pictures, posts, and emails. I recently came across an email Kenneth sent me one time after we had an argument. Listen, we loved each other tremendously. We were each other’s biggest fan. We laughed HARD everyday. We always made it over to the other side of conflict. Nevertheless, we trailblazed

All of 2017, people kept praying and prophesying to my husband that he would recieve a promotion. We kept trying to figure out how that was possible since there was no position directly above him at his job that would allow him to do the same work. On the morning of October 27th, my family went to the funeral home for a private viewing of my husband’s body. This particular morning was the hardest for me. I felt torment, guilt, and extreme sadness. I was feeling like it was al

In efforts to send thank you notes to those who attended the services for my husband and/or mailed cards to my home, I went to purchase some thank you cards from Target. In the check out line, the cashier looks down and notices the enormous amount of thank you cards I have. He says, "Wow. That is a lot of thank you cards. Did you just get married?!" Suddenly, time stands still. I have nothing but a blank stare into the distance. I remind myself, "Breathe, LaSandra!" I take a

With so many decisions to make, so much to tend to, and the absence of the one who influenced my decisions the most, I ask myself this question at least 50 times a day: “What would Kenneth do/say/like/think?” In the store: “Should I get this dress? ...No. He would say it looked frumpy.” “This one? Mmmmm. Flattering, trendy, but modest...Yes. That is the one.” I perceive his thoughts, reactions, and emotions to everything. I think, “See. He would have found this so hilarious.”

About a week before my husband passed away, I was praying and meditating on the story of Joseph. I was thinking about how difficult it must have been for Joseph, a young man, to dream a dream from the Lord that he would be honored by his family and in a place of prominence, only to be betrayed by his brothers, thrown into a pit, and sold into slavery, right after. I was thinking that being sold into slavery by his brothers was in stark contrast to the dream Joseph had, was ex