I find myself doing a lot of reminiscing.
Perhaps this is my way of trying to grasp and grab hold to every moment and the very essence of my husband. Thus, I have been looking at old pictures, posts, and emails. I recently came across an email Kenneth sent me one time after we had an argument.
Listen, we loved each other tremendously. We were each other’s biggest fan. We laughed HARD everyday. We always made it over to the other side of conflict. Nevertheless, we trailblazed in every sense of the word. So, as two people who tended to feel very strongly about our perspectives, who both had our “issues”, who both had a “way” they thought things should go, who often had to figure this marriage thing out as we went - we often groped around in the dark stumbling upon answers by the grace of God. Know that many “passionate” conversations took place in the Hutchinson Household. 😉
You know, the ones where you started off cleaning the kitchen together after you put the kids to bed at 8:30pm, but somehow somebody said something that the other needed “clarification” on?
Now, it is somehow 2am and you are still “discussing.” One of you is still putting away dishes and the other is sitting on the kitchen floor, exhausted. You can almost swear you have both made the same point over and over again in the past 5 ½ hours, only re-phrased it, hoping each time that somehow what you deem as obvious will finally “click” to your spouse.
Eventually, you just can’t go any further. You conclude there is no way the other cannot plainly see your point. Either they like to argue, are delusional, or just plain ole’ lying to prove a point.
Finally, “the mature spouse” of the night waves the white flag. They tell the other; “Look, I don’t know what you want from me. I love you and I am going to bed.”
The other says, “I love you too” and then whispers under their breath, “You crazy. But, I love you.”
“Huh?! What was that?! I didn’t catch that last thing you said.” says the “the more mature” spouse of the night.
“Nothin” is the reply.
The “mature spouse” says, “Oh. Okay. I didn’t think so.”
You both laugh. You shake your heads. You don’t know exactly how, but you just know that you will work it out and things will be okay. You say “Goodnight.”
Oh, ya’ll don’t that? That was just us, huh? Well, we worked hard at ours. 😉
After one of these moments, we had another conversation in which he started telling me all of the things he loved and appreciated about me. The following day, I noticed he had sent me an email. The subject title was, “Record of Right” and in it he created a list of 100 things about me that he appreciated or that were special to him about our relationship. Although he is not here physically, I will always be blessed by this list. I listed 12 items from his list below...'
“Sometimes after good conversations the enemy loves to come and steal the good seeds that were planted. I've decided to write some of my talking points from this morning down to you in this "Record of Right". Love keeps no record of wrong 1 Corinthians 13:5 so it must keep a record of right. This is not an exhaustive list of why I love you but only a small list for you to reflect on and be secure in my love for you. I have excluded the category of motherhood just for the purpose of focusing on you as a wife, lover and friend. The following notable deeds are included in the Record of Right:
1. The way you spoke at Uncle Tommys funeral when I was grieving and hurting, acknowledging my grandma and loving my family.
2. Supporting and being understanding of my college counseling schedule every fall since 2006 until today which is 11 years to be exact.
3. Editing essays and mentoring students with me through the 100% acceptance years including Deontae Moore, Travon George, Jerry Hinds , Banks, and countless other students that you loved because I loved them.
4. Loving the underdog and the downtrodden of your and my family, making others feel important when nobody else will.
5. I appreciate when we first got married. I was so hot tempered and angry about everything but you would stop me mid blow up and pray that God change you and sincerely repent.
6. I laugh at when we first got married you was frying fish in flour but I appreciate the times where you fried fish because that is my favorite food.
7. The vegan meals that you tried to make.
8. ALL the years you patiently, lovingly waited on me to finish in the prayer room at Christ temple because you wanted me to get my music out.
9. Thank you for leading our home buying process and not giving up when we overestimated our loan amount.
10. For supporting me through graduate school and editing my essays for NU and Harvard and countless job cover letters and resumes.
11. My 30th birthday party was amazing!!! You got all my friends and family and the singers and live band. Catfish and spaghetti potluck. All the FB Live tributes from when I turned 35.
12. The way anytime we meet new people you quickly turn into ike turner and tell everyone that I preach and I sing and I can do this and that, embarrassing me but bragging on who I am in God.”