You know what? Life is hard without you here.
I miss you and I love you. I have pretty much resolved that I always will.
Since you went to be with the Lord, I have not laughed as hard as you made me laugh everyday. I am not sure I ever will.
And, you know that basket case feeling? Yeah. I am sick of it. Grief is real, man. So, I am learning what it means to “rest in the Lord” on a whole other level. I am learning how to access His grace in ways I never have or needed to before now.
Today would have been our 14th wedding anniversary.
Thankfully, I do have some measure of joy in all of this.
I have joy because I can look back on the unique love story that God decided to write with our lives and see that he was and is so glorified in what we had, in what we created, in our love for each other, in what we accomplished as a team, in how we kept moving toward him and moving toward each other no matter how rough the road got. By all of our “groping around in the dark” as you put it.
Seriously, neither of us knew what we were signing up for 14 years ago, but we did it. By His grace - We. Did. It. Better and worse. Richer and poorer. Sickness and health. Until death did us part. We rocked it. We drove that car until the wheels fell off, babe. It was all so difficult, and so wonderful, and so crazy, and so good - all at the same time. You know how I used to say, “I don’t know what this is we have going on between the two of us.” I had not and still have not ever seen anything like it.
Even knowing what I know about the end, I would still do it all again just to journey with you. God used you and our life together bring the best out of me. Thank you.
I don’t know exactly what God is doing with all these twists and turns, but I know he is writing a new part to my story that I knew nothing about. I also know he loves you and me and he is trustworthy. So, I am going to keep walking along this grief path until the day comes that I find myself running again, dancing again, enthused again. I am going to try my best to continue to do what I believe he and you would want me to do - bring the best of myself to the table of life until I am finished.